Autism and Friendships: How to Help Your Child Connect

Autism and friendships is a topic full of myths. Many autistic children do want friends, and many have them. Their friendships may look different, with fewer friends, more shared activities, or less small talk. Your job is not to make your child more “typical”. It is to help them find people and places where they feel at ease.

Autism and friendships: what the research shows

An old idea says autistic children prefer to be alone. Research does not back this up for many children. In a classic study, 22 autistic children aged 8 to 14 were compared with 19 non-autistic children. Every autistic child said they had at least one friend. But they also felt lonelier, and their friendships scored lower on companionship, security, and help [1].

A school study by Kasari and colleagues looked at 60 autistic children in regular classrooms. They were more often on the edges of class social groups. They had fewer friendships where both children named each other as friends. Most were not engaged with peers on the playground. Still, about 20% had a mutual friend and a good place in the class network [2]. So “autistic child no friends” is not the full story. Some children do well, and others need more support.

The double empathy problem

In 2012, autistic researcher Damian Milton described the “double empathy problem” [3]. The idea is simple. When autistic and non-autistic people struggle to understand each other, the gap runs both ways. It is not only the autistic person who “gets it wrong”.

Research has tested this. In one study, 72 adults passed a story along a chain, one person to the next. Chains of all autistic adults kept as much detail as chains of all non-autistic adults. Mixed chains lost detail faster, and people in them reported lower rapport [4]. This was a small lab study with adults, so we should not stretch it too far. But it suggests that difficulty is about the match between people, not just the child.

Autistic-autistic friendships

Many autistic people say friendships with other autistic people feel easier. In interviews with 12 autistic adults, people said they felt better understood and could be themselves around autistic friends. With non-autistic people, they often felt they had to adapt [5]. A small study of a middle school STEM club found that both autistic and non-autistic students formed stronger links with peers of the same neurotype [6].

So do not only look for non-autistic friends. Autistic-led groups and friendships with other autistic children can be just as valuable.

How to help an autistic child make friends

Use shared interests as a bridge

A strong interest is a great place to start. In one small study, schools set up lunch clubs built around the interests of three autistic students. All three spent more time with peers, and they started more conversations [7]. It was tiny, so treat it as promising.

• Look for interest-based clubs. Try coding, chess, Lego, drama, robotics, art, trains, or nature groups.
• Ask the school. Could a teacher host a lunch or after-school club around your child’s interest?

Playdates with autistic children

Playdates in autism work best when they are short and planned. In the Children’s Friendship Training trial, parents learned to help set up play dates, check details with the other parent, and coach their child on being a good host [8]. Host rules included letting the guest choose, praising the guest, and not leaving them alone.

• Keep it short. One to two hours is plenty for a first visit. End while it is still going well.
• Plan one shared activity. Baking, a board game, building, or a video game gives everyone something to do and talk about.
• Invite one child. Groups are harder to follow.
• Prepare your child. Use a visual plan or a social story about what will happen.
• Offer a quiet space. Let your child take a break without it being a problem.

Social skills groups and the PEERS program

PEERS

PEERS was created at UCLA by Elizabeth Laugeson and colleagues. Teens meet in a group while parents meet in a separate group to learn how to coach. An early controlled trial with 33 teens found better parent-rated social skills and more hosted get-togethers [9]. An independent randomized trial with 58 teens found more get-togethers, better friendship knowledge, and less social anxiety. But parent and teacher ratings of social skills did not improve significantly [10].

A 2025 meta-analysis pooled 21 randomized trials with 1,008 participants. PEERS had a large effect on social knowledge. Effects on caregiver-rated skills were smaller, and teacher-rated effects were very small [11]. Keep in mind that many early PEERS studies were run by the team that created the program.

Social skills groups in general

What about social skills groups for autism more broadly? A 2017 meta-analysis of 19 randomized trials found group social skills programs were “modestly effective”. The biggest gains were in what youth knew about social rules. Teacher reports showed no significant change, so gains may not carry over to school [12]. A Cochrane review from 2012 found five trials with 196 young people. It found some evidence of better social competence and friendship quality, but the studies were few and had a high risk of bias [13].

A good group should feel safe and respectful. It should help your child understand others and be understood, not train them to hide who they are. Ask any provider:

• What are the goals, and who chooses them?
• Does the group respect autistic ways of socializing, like info-dumping or parallel play?
• How will skills be practiced in real life, at home or school?

Peer-mediated support at school

In peer-mediated programs, classmates learn how to include and support an autistic child. In a school trial with 60 autistic children, training classmates led to more friendship nominations, better teacher-rated classroom skills, and less playground isolation [14]. A review of studies in inclusive settings also called peer-mediated approaches promising [15]. In the UK, NICE guidance says to consider peer mediation for school-aged autistic children [16].

This puts some of the work on the wider group, not just your child. You can ask the school about buddy systems, lunch clubs, or peer training. You can add these to your child’s plan. See our guide to the IEP for autism.

Online friendships and gaming

For many autistic children, online spaces feel easier. Text chat gives time to think, and games give a clear shared focus. In a small study of three autistic students playing Minecraft, the game created chances for back-and-forth talk, giving instructions, and using text to keep chats going [17]. This is early, small-scale research. But online friends can be real friends.

Online spaces also carry risks. Children may share personal details without seeing the danger, and they may face cyberbullying or unwanted messages [18].

• Teach privacy rules. Use a nickname and avatar. Never share your real name, school, address, or photos.
• Use settings. Turn on parental controls, limit chat to friends, and block in-app purchases.
• Be clear about red flags. Anyone asking for secrets, photos, or a private meeting is not safe. Your child should tell you, and they will not be in trouble.
• Keep evidence. Screenshot bullying and report it to the platform.

Bullying, autism and friendships

Bullying is a real worry. A 2016 meta-analysis of 17 studies found that 44% of autistic young people had been bullied at school. Verbal bullying was most common, at 50%. Autistic youth were at higher risk than their non-autistic peers [19].

Signs your child may be bullied

Autistic children may not tell you, or may not know that what is happening is bullying. Watch for [20]:

• Lost or damaged belongings
• Frequent stomach aches or headaches, or not wanting to go to school
• Changes in eating or sleep, including nightmares
• Falling grades or a sudden loss of friends
• Low self-esteem, or talk of self-harm

What to do with the school

• Write it down. Note dates, what happened, and who was involved.
• Ask for a meeting. Talk to the teacher and, in the UK, the SENCo.
• Put it in the plan. In the US, an IEP or Section 504 plan can include ways to prevent and respond to bullying. If bullying is based on disability and creates a hostile environment, the school must address it under federal civil rights law [21]. Our page on 504 plans vs IEPs explains the difference.
• Ask for safe spaces. Supervised lunch clubs and a trusted adult can make unstructured times safer.

Respect your child’s own way of doing friendship

Some autistic children want lots of friends. Others are happy with one close friend, or with friends they only see online. Some like to play side by side without talking. These are all valid. A quiet child who is content is not a problem to fix.

• Ask your child. What do they want? Who do they like being with?
• Allow recovery time. Socializing can be tiring. Plan downtime after school and events.
• Avoid masking pressure. Do not teach your child that their natural way of being is wrong.

When to talk to a professional

Talk to your child’s doctor, school, or therapist if:

• Your child says they feel lonely, sad, or left out most days.
• They refuse school or seem very anxious about peers. Our guide to anxiety in autistic children can help.
• You suspect bullying and the school is not acting.
• Your child wants friends but nothing you try is working.

If your child talks about wanting to die or hurting themselves, get help right away. In the US, call or text 988. In the UK, call NHS 111 or 999 in an emergency.

Frequently asked questions

Do autistic children want friends?

Many do. Studies show that autistic children often want friends and can feel lonely without them. Some prefer fewer friends or quieter friendships, and that is fine too. The best way to know is to ask your child what they want and watch how they act around others. Respect their answer, even if it is different from what you expected or what other children want.

What is the PEERS program?

PEERS is a group program from UCLA that teaches teens and young adults practical friendship skills, such as joining conversations and planning get-togethers. Parents take part in a separate group so they can coach at home. Research shows it improves social knowledge and get-togethers. Effects on skills at school are smaller, so it works best alongside real-life support and chances to practice.

Are social skills groups worth it for autism?

They can help some children, especially with understanding social situations. But the gains often do not show up at school or in daily life. Look for a group that respects autistic ways of connecting, sets goals with your child, and builds in real practice. A shared-interest club may give your child just as much chance to make friends.

How long should a playdate be for an autistic child?

Short is best, especially at first. One to two hours is often enough. Plan one shared activity your child enjoys, invite just one child, and give your child a quiet place to take a break. Try to end on a good note, while everyone is still having fun, so both children want to meet again.

Are online friendships real friendships?

Yes, they can be. Many autistic children find it easier to connect through games or text chat, where there is a shared focus and time to think. Online friends can offer real support and fun. Teach your child privacy rules, use safety settings, and keep talking with them about who they meet and how those friends make them feel.

References

1. Bauminger N, Kasari C. Loneliness and friendship in high-functioning children with autism. Child Development. 2000;71(2):447-456. doi:10.1111/1467-8624.00156 Link
2. Kasari C, Locke J, Gulsrud A, Rotheram-Fuller E. Social networks and friendships at school: comparing children with and without ASD. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2011;41(5):533-544. doi:10.1007/s10803-010-1076-x Link
3. Milton DEM. On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem’. Disability and Society. 2012;27(6):883-887. doi:10.1080/09687599.2012.710008 Link
4. Crompton CJ, Ropar D, Evans-Williams CVM, Flynn EG, Fletcher-Watson S. Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective. Autism. 2020;24(7):1704-1712. doi:10.1177/1362361320919286 Link
5. Crompton CJ, Hallett S, Ropar D, Flynn E, Fletcher-Watson S. ‘I never realised everybody felt as happy as I do when I am around autistic people’: a thematic analysis of autistic adults’ relationships with autistic and neurotypical friends and family. Autism. 2020;24(6):1438-1448. doi:10.1177/1362361320908976 Link
6. Chen YL, Schneider M, Patten K. Exploring the role of interpersonal contexts in peer relationships among autistic and non-autistic youth in integrated education. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13:946651. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.946651 Link
7. Koegel LK, Vernon TW, Koegel RL, Koegel BL, Paullin AW. Improving social engagement and initiations between children with autism spectrum disorder and their peers in inclusive settings. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions. 2012;14(4):220-227. doi:10.1177/1098300712437042 Link
8. Frankel F, Myatt R, Sugar C, Whitham C, Gorospe CM, Laugeson E. A randomized controlled study of parent-assisted Children’s Friendship Training with children having autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2010;40(7):827-842. doi:10.1007/s10803-009-0932-z Link
9. Laugeson EA, Frankel F, Mogil C, Dillon AR. Parent-assisted social skills training to improve friendships in teens with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2009;39(4):596-606. doi:10.1007/s10803-008-0664-5 Link
10. Schohl KA, Van Hecke AV, Carson AM, Dolan B, Karst J, Stevens S. A replication and extension of the PEERS intervention: examining effects on social skills and social anxiety in adolescents with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2014;44:532-545. doi:10.1007/s10803-013-1900-1 Link
11. Cheng Y, Shi J, Cheng X, Wei Y, Wang J, Jiang Z. Impact of social knowledge and skills training based on UCLA PEERS on social communication and interaction skills of adolescents or young adults with autism: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Asian Journal of Psychiatry. 2025:104422. doi:10.1016/j.ajp.2025.104422 Link
12. Gates JA, Kang E, Lerner MD. Efficacy of group social skills interventions for youth with autism spectrum disorder: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review. 2017;52:164-181. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2017.01.006 Link
13. Reichow B, Steiner AM, Volkmar F. Social skills groups for people aged 6 to 21 with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews. 2012;(7):CD008511. doi:10.1002/14651858.CD008511.pub2 Link
14. Kasari C, Rotheram-Fuller E, Locke J, Gulsrud A. Making the connection: randomized controlled trial of social skills at school for children with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. 2012;53(4):431-439. doi:10.1111/j.1469-7610.2011.02493.x Link
15. Watkins L, O’Reilly M, Kuhn M, Gevarter C, Lancioni GE, Sigafoos J, Lang R. A review of peer-mediated social interaction interventions for students with autism in inclusive settings. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2015;45(4):1070-1083. doi:10.1007/s10803-014-2264-x Link
16. National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. Autism spectrum disorder in under 19s: support and management (CG170). Published 2013, updated 2021. Link
17. Stone BG, Mills KA, Saggers B. Online multiplayer games for the social interactions of children with autism spectrum disorder: a resource for inclusive education. International Journal of Inclusive Education. 2019;23(2):209-228. doi:10.1080/13603116.2018.1426051 Link
18. Archer E. Learning disabilities, autism and internet safety: a parent’s guide. Cerebra. 2012. Link
19. Maiano C, Normand CL, Salvas MC, Moullec G, Aime A. Prevalence of school bullying among youth with autism spectrum disorders: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Autism Research. 2016;9(6):601-615. doi:10.1002/aur.1568 Link
20. StopBullying.gov (US Department of Health and Human Services). Warning signs for bullying. Link
21. StopBullying.gov (US Department of Health and Human Services). Bullying and youth with disabilities and special health needs. Link

Professional review: this guide is waiting for review by a qualified clinician. It was written and checked against the published sources listed above. How we check our guides.

This guide is general education, not medical advice. Always talk to your child’s doctor or care team. Last checked: October 2026.